My Story of Believing in God

By Jin Nana, South Korea

When I was in the third grade, my mother has been a believer in God. Hence, I began to be in touch with God’s words and learn to pray since childhood, and sometimes sisters would come to my home to tell me the stories in the Bible. Due to the influence of this circumstance, I began to believe that there is a God who controls the world and protects this mankind.

As I grew up, I was not as simple as myself in my childhood. I believed: There must exist a God in the world. This God created all the mountains, rivers, lakes on earth. Man didn’t definitely evolve from apes. There is certainly a God who controls the lives and deaths of all living beings and manipulates the steady and miraculous law of the vast expanse of the universe. But I began to doubt: Is the God that my mother believes in the lofty One in my heart? Is she very lucky to believe in a true God?

However, I didn’t tell my mother my doubts and thoughts, because I saw her transformation after her believing in God. In the past, my parents often had a severe argument, but after my mother believed in God, she would calmly discuss the problems with my father and solve them by compromise when they had an argument; in the past, she was busy in work and often came home at midnight, while now she had more time to accompany me, and moreover I saw hot meals that she prepared for me after I returned from school every day. In addition, she didn’t force me to attend classes of supplementary schooling. She could accept my exam results calmly no matter whether they were good or bad and she didn’t give me excess pressure. As regards my father’s hobbies, in the past, she thought he did nothing decent, so she extremely opposed; but now she supported him. … Though I doubted about this God, yet it was because my mother believed in this God that my family once on the verge of breaking became the harmonious one. This God my mother believed in leads people to be good. Consequently, when my mother asked me to read God’s words and listen to the hymns, I was obedient to her. Moreover, she prayed before sleeping and so did I. However, owing to my hidden doubts in my heart, I was never moved when reading God’s words and furthermore never wanted to know this God further.

After graduating from junior high school, I went to South Korea for a visit with my parents. Here, I started my short church life. Besides, my father accepted the gospel of the kingdom of God through investigating, for he was touched by my mother’s faith and transformation. After that, my parents decided to spread the gospel in South Korea and tried to persuade me to be in high school here. Nevertheless, I was unwilling to leave my friends and classmates in China. Because of my hard attitude and the domestic high school having started for two days, my parents had to book a ticket to China for me.

I lived in my aunt’s after returning to China, so I stopped getting in touch with God. At the beginning, without my parents’ restriction, I was satisfied with the free life and I was also pleased that I could have as much pin money as I wished. However, as time passed, seeing my classmates accompanied by their parents, I came to feel lonely. Particularly when encountering difficulties, I even more felt helpless. At that time, I remembered God. Even if I still had doubts in my heart, I had to hand all my hope to God and prayed to God one after another. The school life was outwardly normal, but in fact, it was a mess. Some students drank after school, slept in class by day, and even was proud of drinking several dozens of beer the day before; some students went to the blind corner of our school in small groups to smoke at break; some good-looking boys or girls were addicted to disordered sexual matters; some students lost their mind because of others’ manners of speech or one word making them uncomfortable, and then asked all others that they knew to keep up appearances and get into fights under watchful eyes; … At that time, I was so numb and thought these deeds were normal, and moreover, I was one member of them in some things. Yet, every time when I would go out of bounds, God seemed to drag me out of them and made me know clearly I couldn’t do that. During the most rebellious stage, although I lived without my parents, I still spent the time safely.

After taking the entrance examination, I went to South Korea again. From then on, I gradually confirmed Almighty God is the only one true God in the entire universe!

When I was in South Korea, a sister of the church often took me to go shopping, had a chat with me and brought me to the church. In the church, the brothers and sisters frequently asked about what I thought. Through fellowshiping openly with them, I gradually undid my knot in my mind and shared all my troubles with the brothers and sisters to solve them. By degrees, I began to attend meetings on my initiative, and had a normal church life.

Afterward, a thing happened that was a major turning point in my course of believing in God.

One time, Sister Jin of the church asked me to visit a person with her. The moment we arrived at the gate of that person’s house, Sister Jin’s cell phone rang, so she advised me to go in first to wait for her. Then I knocked at the door, yet nobody answered me. I saw the door was not locked, so I asked: “Sister, may I come in?” She muttered “Uh huh” inside. It was already night but the lights were not on. I saw her sitting before a table, with her head drooping. I thought she was praying, and then I walked there lightly, sitting to the side. After a while, Sister Jin came in and asked me why the atmosphere was so strange. At the moment, that woman, sitting opposite to us, said: “It controlled me yesterday, and thus I was cross with you. Now I know I was wrong. However, it is too late, because it has gone away from me.” She continued saying: “Don’t contact me forever.” Then she wanted to see us out. Sister Jin asked me to get out first. She wanted to stay behind to talk with that woman by herself. … On the way home, I didn’t ask anything more, and Sister Jin didn’t mention that woman to me either.

After about two or three months, in a gathering, Sister Jin spoke of an example of someone possessed by an evil spirit. She didn’t say who that was, but I felt the person she described was the woman we had gotten in touch with that day. After the gathering, Sister Jin told me that after I got out that day, the woman said that before her knowledge of Almighty God, she always wanted to kill people she disliked; After Sister Jin gave her a book of God’s word called The Word Appears in the Flesh, she always wanted to burn it; besides, the woman said some horrific words…. Hearing Sister Jin’s words, I thought back to the thing happening that day and that scene flashed repeatedly in my mind. I was shocked that I heard myself that the one who was possessed by an evil spirit said an evil spirit could cleave to and then go away from one’s body. I even stayed with a person that was possessed by an evil spirit in the same room. At that time, I truly experienced the existence of the spiritual world and Satan. Moreover, I knew Satan harms and devours people at any time and in any place. Besides, I understood it was God’s wondrous protection that I could be intact, although I was in the same room with a person whom an evil spirit, like a tiger eyeing its prey, would seek a chance to harm at any time. If not for God’s protection, I didn’t dare to think what would happen.

I remembered what God said: “From the time you were born all the way up to now, God has carried out much work on you, but He did not tell you every time He did something. You were not to know, so you were not told, right? (Yes.) To man, everything He does is important. To God, it is something He must do. But in His heart there is something important He needs to do that far exceeds any of these things. What is that? That is, from the time man was born up to now, God must guarantee the safety of each one of them. You may feel as though you do not fully understand, saying ‘Is this safety so important?’ So what is the literal meaning of ‘safety’? Maybe you understand it to mean peace or maybe you understand it to mean never experiencing any disaster or calamity, to live well, to live a normal life. But in your hearts you must know that it is not that simple. So what on earth is this thing that I have been talking about, that God has to do? What does it mean to God? Is it really a guarantee of your safety? Just like right now? No. So what is it that God does? This safety means you not being devoured by Satan. Is this important? You are not devoured by Satan, so does this concern your safety, or not? This does concern your personal safety, and there can be nothing more important. Once you have been devoured by Satan, neither your soul nor your flesh belongs to God any longer. God will no longer save you. God forsakes souls like that and forsakes people like that. So I say the most important thing that God has to do is to guarantee your safety, to guarantee that you will not be devoured by Satan.” I thought back to the time when I was a child, in order to lead me before Him, God arranged so wonderful environment, but I refused Him time and time again. Even though I chose to stray from and betray Him, He never abandoned me, whereas He still was caring for and protecting me and gave me chances time after time. It turned out that Almighty God is concerned about me at every moment and only God has such love and authority.

After this thing, my heart came to open up to God. I started to read God’s words willingly. In my childhood, I once doubted: Is Almighty God the lofty One in my heart? Why does Almighty God not perform miracles and then make all the people directly see His power with their naked eyes? Gradually, I found the answers of these questions in God’s words.

I saw God’s words, “That is to say, the God that you worship, the vague God that you admire, does not exist at all. The reason I can say this so definitively is that you are too far away from the true God. The reason why you have loyalty is due to the existence of an idol within your hearts, and as for Me, the God who appears as neither great nor small in your eyes, all you do is acknowledge Me with words. … Outwardly, you all appear to be very obedient to this Christ on earth, yet in substance you neither have faith in Him nor love Him. What I mean is that the one you truly have faith in is that vague God in your feelings, and the one you truly love is the God you yearn for night and day, yet have never seen in person.” At that moment, I came to understand that when my mother asked me to believe in Almighty God as when I was a child, outwardly, I seemed to read God’s words and pray to God, but in fact, I never believed in Him and just imagined that He would outwardly look lofty. However, God’s words told me the God I worshipped was the one I imagined, was vague, and didn’t exist. By contrast, as regards Almighty God, I didn’t see Him summon the wind and the rain, express fierce wrath to kill someone, or display a grand vision to me, but He could hear my prayer at any time and any place and protect me by my side all the time. God has done these for me from start to finish. Since my mother began to believe in God, He has been doing much practical work in my family. He changed my mother and family. Afterward, I was in high school. Although I strayed from God, He led me silently and protected me from going downhill when I was lonely and prayed to God. Especially when a person who was possessed by an evil spirit was by my side, it was God that protected me from being occupied and harmed by an evil spirit. As a matter of fact, the great power of God has been already manifested abundantly by my side, but I didn’t see it.

I truly understood the lofty God who I imagined didn’t exist, and the true God is truly by my side. God’s words say: “Until, one day, you will feel that the Creator is no longer a riddle, that the Creator has never been hidden from you, that the Creator has never concealed His face from you, that the Creator is not at all far from you, that the Creator is no longer the One that you constantly long for in your thoughts but that you cannot reach with your feelings, that He is really and truly standing guard to your left and right, supplying your life, and controlling your destiny. He is not on the remote horizon, nor has He secreted Himself high up in the clouds. He is right by your side, presiding over your all, He is everything that you have, and He is the only thing you have. Such a God allows you to love Him from the heart, cling to Him, hold Him close, admire Him, fear to lose Him, and be unwilling to renounce Him any longer, disobey Him any longer, or any longer to evade Him or put Him at a distance. All you want is to care for Him, obey Him, requite all that He gives you, and surrender to His dominion. You no longer refuse to be guided, supplied, watched over, and kept by Him, no longer refuse what He dictates and ordains for you. All you want is to follow Him, walk alongside Him to His left or right, all you want is to accept Him as your one and only life, to accept Him as your one and only Lord, your one and only God.”

Through my experience, I find our human language is too feeble; I’m convinced from the bottom of my heart that Almighty God is indeed the only one true God! I have experienced God’s good intentions and am willing to keep following Almighty God!